Folly and Forgiveness
by To make you think
Summary: Things happen a little differently post-Limey. So far it has been mostly Kate and Alexis, but I will get to Caskett eventually.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! This is my first venture into the Castle fandom (writing that is). Go me! Anyway, I, like everybody else, was inspired (or angered) by the last few Castle episodes (read: 47 Seconds, the Limey, and the preview of Headhunters). So here's my go at it.**

**Enjoy!**

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Kate Beckett sat on her couch with a book in her lap and wine on the coffee table, but she wasn't reading, and she hadn't touched her wine. She stared at the words on the page until they blurred. She was trying so hard to forget about Castle, but it was Castle's words staring at her and they just made her chest ache more. She missed his coffee, his smile, his warm look, even his crazy theories. She wanted her friend back. She wanted her partner back. She just wanted him. But he was angry with her and pulling away. He kept looking at her with accusation in his eyes, but what had she done? How could she fix this if she didn't know what was wrong?

Kate angrily wiped away the tears that leaked down her cheek and closed her book with a snap. She pushed herself off the couch, grabbed her glass, strode to the sink, and poured the wine down the drain. She watched the red liquid slowly disappear, just like her partnership with Castle. She wiped away more tears and slapped the counter. It had been over two weeks and their partnership was growing steadily weaker. If something didn't happen, he would be gone by the end of the week and that scared Kate more than anything. Dr. Burke asked her what she was more afraid of, that Castle would wait, or that he wouldn't. Now she had her answer. The thought of never seeing him again was utterly terrifying. More tears rolled down her face. Her knuckles turned white as she gripped the counter. She took a shaky breath and pushed herself away from the counter. If Castle wasn't going to tell her what was wrong, she was going to ask him and this time she wasn't going to let him walk away. Maybe, just maybe, if she knew what was wrong she could fix it and get her Castle back. Kate grabbed her keys and jacket and headed out the door.

She glance at his door again and sighed. She had been pacing in front of his door for the past ten minutes. On the way over her anger had dimmed and her courage had faltered. She wondered if pouring her wine down the drain was a good idea. She was scared: scared she would lose him, scared this wouldn't work, and scared the accusation would stay in his eyes forever. She shook her head to clear her mind and took a deep breath. She was at the bottom, the only way to go was up. Kate raised her hand and knocked.

After five minutes she turned to leave when the door opened. Kate's breath caught in her throat. Alexis stood in the doorway glaring. It shocked Kate how much it hurt to see the anger on Alexis's face. Tears welled up in her eyes as she realized that if she failed, if Castle left, she wouldn't just lose him. She would lose Martha and Alexis too. Her courage was back. She had to do this. She wasn't going to lose three people she loved without a fight.

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"Detective Beckett, what do you want?" Alexis was surprised, and a little proud, at how cold her voice sounded. Alexis saw hurt flash across the detective's face and felt a twinge of victory. The dark part of Alexis wanted the detective to hurt. She wanted Beckett to feel the same pain her father felt.

"I need to speak with your father." the detective said. 'Why, so you can hurt him more' Alexis wanted to ask, instead she just stared. "It's important." At the detective's words, Alexis reluctantly moved to allow the detective entrance.

"He's in the study." Alexis felt a perverted sense of pleasure. She knew her father had Beckett's case on the smart board. She hoped her father's secret would cause Beckett the same pain Beckett's secret had caused him. As Detective Beckett neared the door to the study, Alexis felt a flash of regret. This was Kate- the person who did everything to save her father when he was in the bank, the person who laughed with them at dinner and supported Grams's play. Kate wouldn't have hurt her father on purpose.

"Kate!" Alexis called out, but Kate was already in the study.

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Castle pushed his glass and the half empty bottle of scotch to the end of his desk and laid his head in his hands. He already felt like crap, more alcohol wouldn't help, especially not when morning arrived. He knew he'd feel awful in the morning anyway and for many more mornings to come. He didn't know if the ache in his chest and in his gut would ever go away. He loved Kate. He loved her so much, but she doesn't feel the same way and she had lied. He could hardly believe Kate, one of the most honest people he knew had lied to him. Maybe he didn't know her as well as he thought he did. She said they were friends, partners even, but partners don't lie to each other. He'd been so angry at her for lying. Now he just hurt. His heart hurt so bad; he didn't know if he would ever be happy again. Maybe he was being melodramatic, but he loved Kate more than he'd ever loved anyone (other than Alexis).

He thought about the murder board on the screen behind him. He'd kept a secret from Kate, but he'd never lied to her and he'd only done it to protect her. That made it less bad than Kate's lie. Right? Castle groaned; now he felt like a hypocrite too. He thought about deleting it, but dismissed that idea. Kate may not love him, and he may not work with her for much longer, but she had made him a better person. He may not be a cop, but he thought like one, and the murder board had information on it that the NYPD didn't have and he couldn't just get rid of it. One day someone might need it. One day the people "The Dragon" killed, Johanna Beckett, Montgomery, and the others, might get justice.

His head jerked up when he heard Alexis call Kate. He saw Kate standing in the doorway and he saw the emotions flit across her face: Shock, then betrayal, then sorrow, finally settling on anger mixed with hurt. He tried to call her name, but she spun around and ran out of the office. God he was an idiot. As angry as he was at Kate he hadn't wanted to hurt her. Not like that. He had thought he couldn't feel any worse, but the look of betrayal on Kate's face ripped his heart in two. What had he been thinking?

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**The next chapter has more conversation (more action too) and a lot more Alexis.**

**Reviews are more than welcome.**

**Thanks for reading,**

**~to make you think~**


	2. Chapter 2

**Congratulations you made it to chapter two!**

**Thank you to cavlik97, thebiggestrcfan, mystery person, and Doug for reviewing and thanks to everyone who favorited or alerted my story. A special thanks to mystery person for reviewing many of my other stories as well. You guys made my day. **

**So this chapter was supposed to be Caskett, but turned out to be mostly Kate and Alexis. Hope you still enjoy.**

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Kate ran to the hallway bathroom and slammed the door. She braced herself against the sink with shaking hands. She couldn't breathe; she couldn't think. How could he? She'd promised herself she wouldn't cry again, but she couldn't stop the tears. Damn it. Breathe in, Breathe out. Kate repeated the mantra in her head, until her breathing was almost even. She pushed herself away from the sink and started pacing the bathroom. Her hands curled into to fists at her side. Earlier she was shocked and hurt, now she was just angry. She knew why he did it- because he can't let go. She knew why he didn't tell her- because the idiot wanted to protect her. But why did he have to be so completely stupid? He asked her to stop so she wouldn't get killed. Didn't he see they would kill him too. More tells welled up at the thought. She was tired. Of all it. Of losing people. Of fighting. Kate slid down the wall and put her head in her hands. She was so tired. A timid knock pulled her out of her thoughts.

"Kate?" it was so soft she barley heard it. "Kate, can I come in? Please?" it was Alexis. Kate didn't really want any company, but the sadness in Alexis's voice pulled at Kate's mangled heart.

"You can come in Alexis." The door opened and the crying red head stepped in.

"Kate, I'm so sorry. I'm a horrible, terrible person. I never should done that and you should hate me for what-"

"Alexis"

"And you probably never want to talk to me again because I'm such a horrible person."

"Alexis" Kate said a little louder.

"I know you just want me to shut-up and leave, but I had to say I'm sorry"

Kate grabbed Alexis's arm. "Alexis, Stop. Breathe." The young woman nodded and took in a shaky breath. "Alexis, I don't want you to leave and I could never hate you."

Alexis sat down on the tile next to Kate. "You should hate me. I'm a horrible person. I knew dad had that board up and I knew it would hurt you, but I sent you in there anyway. I was just so angry. I'm so sorry" Fresh tears ran down Alexis's face.

Kate wanted to wrap the girl hug; instead, she placed a hand on Alexis's shoulder. "Alexis you were angry because you thought I hurt your father right?" at Alexis nod Kate continued, "I'm not going to lie. It hurt that you that you were so angry with me and it hurt to see what your father did, but I understand and I'm not mad at you."

"You should be," Alexis whispered.

"No, I shouldn't," Kate argued. "We all get angry and you were just trying to get justice for your dad. It might not have been the right thing to do, but I can't say I wouldn't do the same thing."

Alexis stared at the floor. "So you forgive me?"

"There's nothing to forgive."

"Yes, there is."

"Fine," Kate said as she lifted Alexis's head so they were face to face "I, Kate Beckett, forgive you, Alexis's Castle. In the bathroom with the pipe."

Alexis let out a small laugh and wrapped her arms around Kate. "Thank you.

"Always." Kate replied as she stroked the girl's hair. The two women went back to sitting side by side against the wall. After a few minutes of companionable silence, Alexis spoke.

"Kate, why did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Lie to my dad."

"What?" A confused Kate asked.

"He said you lied to him. That you'd been lying to him for months."

"Oh."Kate banged her head lightly against the bathroom wall. All the pieces snapped together. "That's why he's been acting so weird."

At Alexis's puzzled look Kate explained, "During the bombing case, we had a kid in interrogation and he claimed he didn't remember what happened. I told him I knew he was lying because I'd been shot in the chest and remembered every second of it. I didn't know Castle was behind the glass." Kate saw that Alexis was still confused.

"When I got shot," Kate paused to take a breath, "your father told me he loved me and he asked later if I remembered the shooting I said no."

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Castle starred at the bathroom door Kate and his daughter entered a few minutes earlier. What were they talking about? He knew he shouldn't, but he got up walked over to the door.

.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

"Why?" Alexis asked.

"A few different reasons. Do know what P.T.S.D is?"

"Yeah, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It happens to people after a traumatic event and is common among soldiers. I wrote a paper on it once." Alexis paused, "You had P.T.S.D didn't you?"

Kate nodded. "Sometimes, I still do." Kate closed her eyes for a second then continued. "At first I didn't want to remember. Because remembering he said 'I love you' meant remembering a bullet ripping through my chest too. It took several months before I could even begin to separate the two. Dr. Burke, my therapist, helped a lot. After I could separate them, I told myself that I should wait until I could say I love you too, before I told him. Really I was just scared."

"Of what?"

Kate smiled when Alexis leaned forward like she was listening to one of her father's stories. "I was scared. He hadn't said it again and it had been months. I was terrified that he only said it to keep me alive. That his words were just a deathbed confession."

Alexis shook her head. "No, he loves you more than anything Kate."

"Maybe, but he didn't say so. I thought that as long as I didn't tell him he wouldn't have a chance to take the words back. It probably wasn't the best idea, but fear makes people do funny things."

"He should have told you again," Alexis agreed. "But my Dad's a dunce sometimes."

Kate chuckled.

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Outside the bathroom door, Castle leaned against the wall. This time he did cry. Oh Kate. He was a dunce. He was the world's biggest dunce. Why didn't he think of that? Why didn't he even imagine that she might have a different reason? She's never going to forgive him. He's never going to forgive himself. He loved her so much and they might have had a chance, but he screwed everything up. She may never forgive him, and she may never love him, but he had to try to make it up to her. She deserved that and so much more. Castle walked back to his office.

.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

"He thought you not telling him meant you didn't feel the same" Alexis told Kate.

"Castle's an Idiot."

Alexis nodded. "Are you going to hate dad forever because I sent you in there?"

"I don't hate Castle, Alexis. And if I did, it wouldn't be your fault."

"You don't?"

"I am really, really mad at him, but I don't hate him."

"Oh."

"I get why he did it, but he knew." Kate almost growled in frustration.

"That you didn't want him messing with your mother's case?"

"No, well yes, but that's not…He knew how dangerous these people are. They shot a police officer. In broad daylight. At a funeral. With other cops standing around. They wouldn't hesitate to kill your father, if they thought he was in the way."

"You're only mad because he put himself in danger?" Alexis was incredulous.

"He put you in Martha in danger too."

"But you love him."

"Of course. I'm just really, really, pissed at him right now and I don't know when I'll forgive him."

"But you will."

"Eventually."

The two lapsed into silence.

"Kate?"

"Yes."

"Would you stay here tonight?"

"Why?"

"It's late and you're probably tired." Kate stared at Alexis until Alexis caved. "And I want to make sure you don't hate me in the morning."

"I am not going to hate you. Ever." Kate promised.

"Please?"

"If you want me to stay, I'll stay."

Alexis grinned then jumped up. She held out her hand to Kate. "Come on. I'll show you to the guest bed room. And you have to sleep in tomorrow. I'm making you breakfast in the morning."

"You don't have to do that Alexis."

"I know."

"But it will make you feel better."

"A little." Alexis admitted.

Kate swept her hand toward the door. "Lead the way."

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**I'm thinking of leaving it here because there is at least some kind of closure- Castle's forgiven Beckett, and Beckett will forgive Castle, eventually. **

**What do you think? Also, since this is my first Castle fic I would love to know if it was in or out of character.**

**Thanks for reading,**

**~to make you think~**


	3. Chapter 3

**I was looking back over this and the first thing I realized was I had quite a few mistakes- misspelled words, words in the wrong place, a sentence that made absolutely no sense ect... I am debating about getting a beta since I don't write very often, so for now if you notice anything wrong feel free to pm me. **

**After I got over the shame of realizing how many people read my poor editing skills, I was struck with the urge to write a third chapter in which Castle and Beckett have a chance to talk, alas this story has a mind of it's own. I hope you enjoy anyway.**

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At four am Castle woke with a start and a crick in his neck from his position on his desk. He groaned when he moved his neck; he was getting too old to fall asleep anywhere not a bed and he felt like he aged even further overnight. He sighed when he looked at the blank computer screen in front of him. Before he fell asleep he had been brainstorming ideas on how to fix his mistake with Kate, or at least get her to talk to him again. Everything he came up with just wouldn't work. He couldn't send her flowers or gifts; she would think he was trying to buy his way back into her graces and hate him even more. Showing up at the precinct like nothing happened wouldn't work; she'd probably kill him, or arrest him, or get Gates to kick him out permanently. Wasn't he supposed to have better ideas than this? He'd written several bestsellers! It all came back to Kate. She was his muse, his inspiration. Without her he could hardly function and he certainly couldn't write or think illustrious thoughts. Somehow without trying Kate Beckett had shifted his world. She'd walked in like she owned the place and twisted everything around (for the better), before moving toward the center to stand next to his mother and daughter. Now she was his Lois Lane and his kryptonite; his poison and his elixir, his tormentor and his savior, his path to redemption and his-God, he must be tired if he was channeling his inner Rodgers' flare for the dramatic and spouting off ridiculous sappy nonsense. Castle stood and walked stiffly to his room where he crawled into to bed not bothering to remove his clothing. As he drifted back into slumber he wondered why the universe had such a messed up sense of humor.

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When Kate woke up, she smiled; she felt better than she had in over a year. She realized a long time ago that the Castles could be quite therapeutic on certain occasions, and Alexis Castle's brand of catharsis was exactly what she needed last night. Kate rolled over to look at the clock next the bed and let out a surprised laugh. It was 12:09 in the afternoon; She hadn't slept that late without pulling an all-nighter since high school. Though Kate and Alexis had talked for a couple hours after leaving the bathroom they were both in bed by a little after midnight.

_When they finished putting the sheets on the guest bed, they stood in awkward silence before speaking simultaneously. _

"_I'm not really that-"_

"_Do you want to-"_

_The pair grinned sheepishly at each other._

"_Hot chocolate?"Alexis asked. _

"_Your famous double chocolate, double marshmallow?" Kate said as she reminisced on the last time she spent the night at Casa de la Castle._

_Alexis's smile widened. "Of course!"_

_They made their way downstairs in companionable silence. As they entered the kitchen Kate went to the cabinet and grabbed two mugs while Alexis heated the milk. After they sat down at the bar with two steaming mugs of chocolate, Alexis was the first to speak. "So. Anything you want to talk about?"_

_Kate shrugged. "Not really, but I want you to know Alexis that you can talk to me about anything. You can call me anytime if your in trouble or you just want to talk even if it's about a wild party or something you can call. I remember what it's like to be in college, so I don't have to be a cop all the time. Not that I think you will get into wild parties." Kate twirled her cup nervously "I just want you to know that I love you and Martha too and if you ever need anything I'm here."_

_Kate sighed in relief when the young women gave her a small smile "I know. Didn't we already go over this earlier this evening?" When Kate's lips twitched up in response, Alexis continued. "Does that mean I can ask you anything too?" Kate nodded in conformation. "Why didn't you call? Over the summer."_

_Kate jerked slightly and fought the urge to excuse herself to the bathroom or deflect the question. _

_Alexis saw the terror on Kate's face and tried to take back the question._ "_I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked that. I know it must be painful for you to think about." Alexis' voice broke through Kate's panicked thoughts. _

"_No. It's fine. You deserve to know why. I didn't even think about how not calling would affect everyone else. I was being selfish. I am so sorry."_

"_We just wanted to know that you were okay." Alexis informed Kate. "For the record I think that if there was ever a time to be selfish it would right after getting shot."_

"_But that doesn't make it hurt any less does it?" Kate remarked with a self deprecating smile. "When I woke up in the hospital I was scared, hurt, and confused. I just wanted everything to go away, so as soon as I was discharged I ran. I've never been very good at dealing with my emotions and after my mom was murdered it got even worse. The only ways I knew how to cope were burying my emotions,working, and running. After the shooting everything was too loud, too bright, and too raw. I couldn't think. I couldn't handle it. I went with my dad to his cabin. I spent a month just trying to get out of my own head. I was a complete wreck. My dad kept encouraging to get help from a doctor, but I refused. It was hard enough with just me in my head; I didn't want a shrink poking around in there too. After that first month I was a little better. I was nowhere near fine, but I was little farther away from going crazy. I did pick up the phone you know. Everyday I picked up the phone and stared at it-sometimes for a couple of minuets, sometimes for almost an hour. I wanted to call, I even dialed the number a few times, but I just couldn't or didn't know how. I was afraid I guess. I didn't know what to expect on the other end of the line and after so many unexpected events I couldn't take another. I shouldn't have broken my word. I should have called. I'm sorry Alexis."_

_Silence reigned for a few minuets as Kate tried to compose herself and Alexis absorbed all that she'd heard. "Okay." Alexis said softly. Kate still looked forlorn, so Alexis spoke a little louder. "I forgive you." The smile that lit up Kate's face was infectious and Alexis was soon grinning as well. _

_With the tension diffused Kate moved on to the next topic. "Meet any nice boys lately?" _

"_There is one." Alexis began excitedly, "Dad doesn't know about him yet. His name is Jeff and he's a freshman at Columbia. He's studying criminal justice and pre-law. He wants to go to Harvard and eventually become a D.A. He also has the most gorgeous green eyes and-"_

The smell of bacon pulled Kate from her memory into the present. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and wiggled her toes in Castle's soft and probably expensive rug. She stretched before she grabbed her clothes and headed to the bathroom.

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***If you didn't catch it the hot chocolate was a reference to a missing scene from "Boom." If you haven't seen it. I think you can google it.**

**Since the story developed a mind of its own and I wanted to keep my chapters close to the same length I stopped here. This does mean that there will be at least one more chapter (I've already started on it). I don't know how much Caskett will really talk,but there will be more morning after and Martha will make a dramatic appearance. **

**Reviews will inspire me to write chapter 4 a little faster...**

**T****hanks for reading. **


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